Observations: Porn (specifics within) NSFW, but mostly just in text/boring ways, lol

My recent sex research area has been porn, or so I came to notice this evening. While thinking of fun things to do with friends, I was depressed and ever-so-slightly aroused that I had NOTHING new to bring up outside of porn and/or feminist theory on porn. All I do is stay up late watching porn and masturbating. I am having every teenage boy’s dream summer. Thankfully, I am in touch enough with my inner teen(s) to enjoy it as fully as many teenage boys cannot. I also have the gift of being legal age to live alone and buy wine…but I digress. 

Tonight I started watching more hentai.

***If you know what porn is in general, feel free to move on a few paragraphs. In fact, I’d prefer it. I will probably sound the babbling idiot I feel like when trying to discuss porn with people who didn’t live under a cross for their teen years. As usual, this is your official warning.*** 

Hentai, for those of you who know as little about porn as I did/do, is anime porn. Legit, Sailor Moon looking porn. If someone had told me THAT at age 13, maybe I would have tried touching myself before every basket-case church boy in a 30 mile radius…but ah, hindsight. And it’s not just drawings (of people like the Little Mermaid) but they have films and even games. They have computer games about how fast you can-you know what, never mind. Just trust me, they have porn computer games. Oh.My.Lanta. It’s insane. And it’s not even all good! Ok, ok, deep breath…the amount of porn….it’s so awesome and terrifying…I haven’t decided which one…

It seems like Hentai is a huge freaking deal in Japan, where it has been going on since centuries ago. (Started with this!) And it’s got some really weird things, and some really fucked up things, and some downright wrong things, and some hot things, and some only-if-I-were-drunk-on-Mardi-Gras-Day things, and so on.

Now cue my feminist self, and I know how awful porn (specifically the porn from Japan, I’ve been told) can be…but in the case of new experiences and learning firsthand, my argument is to say that anything can be awful. Food can be awful-and wonderful. Some cultures do it in weird, fucked up, and sexy ways. Raising toddlers is awful, and wonderful, etc etc etc. So I’m gonna check it out myself, right? Right. 

Still, watching animated porn seemed…”easier” to me that watching real porn. So far, this is a good start…I know animation eliminates several triggers right off the bat for me. So, my thoughts as of now, having seen a few of these movies.

  1. No one is real, so no actual person is doing that/having that done to them. This makes me feel safer, somehow…like the world is safer because porn never has to involve real people. 
  2. Gross. My trauma is showing ALREADY. Ugh. 
  3. Cartoons are not real. Ergo, this isn’t real. Ergo, I am safe. (Depending on how intoxicated I am, or how deeply introspective, I can get all detailed and confusing about this…I won’t try right now. Just a thought anyway.)
  4. It is an image/video on my laptop, where I can play or pause, keep or delete any file I have. It’s not like anyone will make me keep something, and it’s not like I stole anything illegal to watch. I’m a 26 year old woman and can watch porn if I wanna.
  5. Almost every guy I know has probably seen porn at some point. Many probably on purpose. 
  6. This is kinda hot. 
  7. I always liked Tuxedo Mask on Sailor Moon…wow, I feel kinda dirty.
  8. Why am I putting this online?
  9. I hope someone, somewhere benefits from this one day…I know I’m grateful for the things I read when I started healing…and I wanted so many materials that weren’t out there. I may be helping that for someone right now. Ok-good plan! So…what am I writing about? 
  10. It seems that the quality of these movies isn’t bad. And if you watch the Japanese versions with English subtitles, you get a better feel for the writing. Obviously things have been lost in translation, but if you try to give them the benefit of the doubt, it works. (Remind anyone else of reading Black Elk Speaks?) 
  11. I feel like the stories are sexier than the visuals, by far. I need to look back into erotica…I always underestimate that type of porn, and despite being a writer and reader of the stuff! 
  12. I totally see myself in some of these characters…and I don’t know how I should feel about that….or if I should even say that…
  13. The parts that could be real are so overshadowed by insane amounts of “yeah….right…” moments…and that can be condensed in one word for me: tentacles. I’m instantly on the submarine with Jason and Melissa, and the sexy factor is GONE. 
  14. I wonder how much the generation making these films has to do with influencing the content. Probably a lot…then, I wonder how their parents raised them to feel about sex. WW2 was going on then. I always go back to Inga’s beliefs on war in Rose, and think that these fetishes might be groomed into kids on accident…huh…
  15. I’m far more judgmental than I realized. 
  16. Question: If I find something curious and might find it arousing, should I even bother looking more into it? Fear: What if I end up liking something wrong, bad, or crazy? On Second Thought: If I’d made choices that way, I would have never made any progress…and the things I find curious are not harmful to anyone or anything…
  17. Question: With proper communication, could I ask for these things from my partners? Answer: Yes, without a doubt. Would I get those things? Maybe not-but I can always ask. My partners can always say no, or tell me they don’t want to discuss it. 
  18. I wonder the right way to pick porn…I just clicked the top rated one with English subtitles…not understanding is less sexy.
  19. Porn is exhausting. Must end here. 

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