Sitting on the opposite side of the bus changes the whole ride.
I slept last night and woke to my alarm. I even had enough time to eat some Cheerios at home and not at the bus stop. Going to bed at 10:30pm may be a new trend.
I am slightly levitated in my mindset today. I feel like cool mist, floating just above reality. I can see the bus on its tedious route out to Aurora, but it doesn’t drag my soul today. It’s like it’s not happening at all in a way… maybe I’ve finally lost it. If so, the air is fine.
I hope the tides are changing in my ocean front Inner World. Salt water streaming back to the saturated sands…I’m sure some shells have stranded themselves on my mind’s shore. Tiny sea treasures. I hope I can integrate their beauty into my home, like the shells Ave brought me. I miss the Pacific and my sisters.
There’s an intersection I pass everyday that looks just like an intersection from home on Veterans by the lake, with a Winn Dixie instead of a King Soopers.
Having been sitting for extremely long hours, I can’t get my discussions with Gary out if my head. He told me how desk chairs are made now to help aid our bodies with aches and pains that come from choosing to not use anything beyond our wrists. Maybe I need to learn to do headstand pushups. I miss his wisdom and easy presence. And I miss the dress code.
It’s time for a visit home. About 5 weeks until Matt and I drive down.
My last remaining coworker was fired. Now it’s me, the two lawyers and my boss’s mom, who answers phones and zones out at the front desk. I am nervous and more confident at the same time. I’m learning-slowly without training-but learning nonetheless. Imagine how much I could do if someone would bother to teach me! Lol My desk is off in a corner, akin to Mark Walton, so I even have some level of privacy. That is a huge silver lining to my day.
Tomorrow night I bottom to a man who identifies as something called a “primal”. It is something I find provocative and intense, and it makes me want a nap afterwards. Kink is always providing me new experiences. It restores my faith in people, between the acceptance I receive and the way my perceptions are challenged. Life is more than it appears.
I have lots to do today, and I know it will keep me pleasently occupied. Yesterday I got a lot done, and found small social interactions that made me feel the barieer between freedom and choice was thinner somehow.
It’s surprising to me how much human interaction I miss without serving. Mostly Mashawn. I miss her a lot. But I got good hugs last night. I’m not as isolated at the daily grind would have me feel.
“Keep writing, exactly like you are.”
OK. I can do that.