Mile High Movies: The Mummy Returns

This has got to be one of my favorite movies. I haven’t actually watched it in about 10 years. I’m realizing that it’s basically a family-sized, Egypt-only version of Indiana Jones plus wholesome, mild, right-wing agenda. Or maybe I’m just tired and making shit up. Either way, I can’t do this with Josh, so I might as well write it down and link him. šŸ™‚

The Magi, the soldier of God, has a gun preference. And if I knew more about guns, I bet it would tell me a lot about his character.

I need to look up the first movie, cause I can’t remember how they defeated the Mummy last time…

I used to have the biggest crush on Brendan Fraser. One time in high school I rented and swooned over Dudley Do-Right, and I’m 90% sure that’s when I first noticed a motorcycle. But this movie worked for the emerging bisexual within, because Rachel whats-her-name is supermegafoxyawesomehot.

Mr Echo is totally in this movie. Also, the guy from Sliding Doors is the brother.

I like how they came up with a way to show the Mummy all gross and regenerating, because CG and effects, dude! But then they kept around his sexy, full-formed body because hawt.

The witty marriage banter is killing me. How did I used to think this was hilarious? This why I can’t have nice things, isn’t it?

You’ve gotta love all the little nods to the first movie: the chisel vs crowbar/your way vs my way, the collapsing columns, the unknown character from uncle to nephew at the end.

And the foils are fun: pilot who wants to die vs pilot afraid to die.

Guns are usually the solution for Mr. O’Connell….Indy only used a gun that day Harrison Ford was sick and tired of filming. NRA plug? Good men protect their families, and protection requires guns. Guns. GUNS!

I love that now he has a tattoo! Poof! That he got at an orphanage in Cairo. His only backstory before was French Foreign Legion, I believe. Now he was raised on those rough, Egypt streets. Where they secretly brainwash future Magi. Legit.

But I love the flashbacks, if for no other reason than the answer to this question: What makes a good-girl-looking-to-be-a-bad-girl, sexy British librarian even more attractive? Why, skimpy clothing in warm lighting with another nearly-nude lady to ninja battle, that’s what.

I used to think, “This kid is so cool. He knows all these landmarks and can build the best sand castles ever in minutesĀ and mouths off to ancient museum mob bosses.” I don’t know what that says about the person I am, but I feel like it says something.

He Ā might just know all those landmarks because it’s the 1930s, and entertainment was books.

Oh wow, I know who Nefertiti is. I read about her in a kids book…some audio thing I got from the NOLA library a few years ago… That’s cool.

I totally want a wig like the Pharoh’s mistress has on in her flashback scenes.

“Three sides to the pyramid.” I heard: “We Are Family” playing softly in the background…in my mind.

I feel like this movie pandered to all I was in high school. I just knew that I, too, could haveĀ a robust monogamous protector husband who knew I was the brains and we clearly still had great sex, and a highly intelligent kid, living in a huge book-filled manor and having epic adventures in my wealth-fueled free time.

I love that the Rock has no lines in English. I think this was his first movie, and I remembered him from wrestling and was excited to see him act, and left the theaterĀ being super disappointed that he was barely on screen.

Ok, I can’t finish this. lol I gotta sleep…

One thought on “Mile High Movies: The Mummy Returns

  1. These blogs are much shorter when I read them on my computer. I notice when you link them on FB. But I usually just check FB on my phone to get rid of the notification icon! Then forget to read them. šŸ˜¦ Miss you Brit!

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