She’s quiet, but with a definite personality. Soft and prone to veggie intake. Outdoors in the early morning. I am part bunny and part tiger.
I’m weird as fuck.
Been having some medical issues that are vastly improving, albeit still present. I’ve got to take it easy the next couple weeks, and plan to use that time wisely. I can still make this work yet. I just know I can.
I did something that scared me this weekend. I played with my first needles at the club, with two trusted friends holding my hands and talking me through. A few yards away the man who holds my heart was basking in happy adventure. Earlier that night New Nathan introduced me to a gal and recommended me as a demo top-he’s done that twice now. Being in the community, surrounded by support and safety and sensations, I find roots in foreign soil. I am fed and I grow stronger. I’m so insanely grateful.
I’m going to advance my current experiment to phase two. Integration is the goal, as always, but baby steps are in order. Slowly, slowly, I will creep through the landmines of society and find my footing. Lordisa knows I’ve already made it this far. What doesn’t kill you fucks you up mentally, and I’m best equipped in that department anyways. Might as well continue the path.
I’m reading The Golden Compass again. I would follow Lyra on any adventure.
This time around, I’m seeing new things. My mental growth over the last few years (having last read His Dark Materials in about 2010) has radically changed my read. Jordan College is rising up around me, the dusty cellars reflected across the ice outside my apartment. The building safety light peaks through the blinds and Matt breathes heavy beside me. My right side is always a degree or two cooler than my left. I roll on my side, my body wedged against Matt. I wonder what my daemon would be, or if I’d have more than one. Using Abby and Brownie as a protective layer from the tiny window draft, I snuggle down into the warm bed and comb the Masters’ crypt. The heater clicks on the floor above me, and I worry that the Gobblers have found us.
But no, I’m safe. I’m always safe in my home.