Our special today

must be 10% of sales

Buy it from me, please!

We don’t serve sweet tea

You must be from out of town

We’re too far north, love

Screaming children stay

Echoing in my ears, ugh

I could use a drink

Too hungover now

To make sense of your order

What did you want, Hon?

I got triple sat

Punching orders in like mad

Salads are ready, YES!

Hiding in the bar

It is so very empty

I’ll just write haikus

House wine by the glass

It’s cheap and comes from a box

Don’t order that shit

You’re not gluten free

Or you would get your salad

without croutons, bitch

Small children run wild

Why do we have a street car

in the damn building?

The large plate cooler

once fell, poured out plates on me.

Missed law suit, right there

Oranges for the bar

Need slices for the Blue Moon

And for server snacks

Check running side work!

Make tea, get ice, scoop butters

Don’t look inactive

The balloon guy’s here

making children scream & shout

I kinda hate him.

The perk to parties

Is that sometimes they share cake.

Free cake makes my day

A staff turnover

means new bunnies for the vets

to train and to breed

There are no bussers

working this Saturday night.

They lost their damn minds.

Adult mac and cheese

reminds me of Max, and then

I start to miss home.

Check average rank chart

Is a shake down by the man.

Isn’t it all, though?

You don’t want to hear,

“There’s a dildo in the ice!”

from out on the floor.


“My very soul feels dead,”

she exhaled, and rolled her eyes.

“I’m taking my break.”

Being here just feels

so desperate and sad, right?

I know dude. I know.

Got a popped collar

“You can call me Jordi-o”

And so then we did

Hey, Thirteen got sat!

Damn, I was ordering food.

I’ll just grab a smoke.

Big top setting up.

A Birthday. 10 year old girls.

Sold booze. Already.

Red carpet fashion

For some kid’s birthday party

It’s Hollywood themed

Please stab the ticket

Those papers pile up like whoa

Sticking to the beers

Hot food hot, cold food

is lukewarm, actually.

Huh… Doesn’t seem right…

I find that tables

Enjoy adventure stories

that end in ice cream.

Beware of strollers

They stick out from the table

Knock your punk ass down.


You can’t say that, Dude

It’s sexual harassment!

Unless I like it…

I got a new one:

Do we make our own noodles?

For ten bucks a plate?

I like when they say

“Whenever you get a chance.”

They know I’m working.

Hookers need stamp cards

“You order nine blowjobs and

get the tenth one free”


Didn’t my ten top

check in earlier tonight?

Yeah, they found new plans.


Hokys are a joke

They leave behind little trails

and make a weird sound.

Salt is really good.

Now if only I had a

margarita, too.

Oh, gossip, gossip!

Did you hear who’s fucking who?

No, I just work here.

Ice cream isn’t done

No time to scoop spumoni

just take vanilla.

When the dishwasher

Splashes me in my damn face

I want to stab him


Only two shifts left

at this Old Spag restaurant

I might miss this place

First hour is dead

The norm for Saturday night

It’ll pick up soon.

Set up for fifteen.

They get here at four-thirty.

Then dead til seven.

Birthday singers, please!

Come on, wanna sing with me?

Don’t make me do this…

Co-worker boob graze

It’s the first contact tonight

that I really felt

Don’t help that guy, man.

He’s never gonna help you.

Trust me on this one.


New hostess up front.

I might learn her name if she

can keep pace tonight.

I hate the trolley.

Always kids and poor tippers

or it is for me.

A guy stole some cash

from someone’s bag in the back.

Stealing isn’t cool.

Straws that change color?.

Each one sells for fifty cents.

Please don’t steal those, ma’am.


A nine-top walk-in

And your thirteen is now ten

Can you take both now?

We got a walk-in

It’s eighteen and three babies

Give it to Monet!

Tables in the small

are set up for big parties

that are not coming

Our soup of the day

is the same thing every night

Just get a salad

Say low bread, no bread.

My table needs a loaf now.

Well, we don’t have any.

Time got way slower.

Yeah, it’s been seven o’clock

for three hours now.


Looking for roomies

You have that little dog, too?

Yeah, but they’ll be friends.

We’re out of ice cream!

The “Do Not Use” freezer is

for use too, really.

We’re out of butters.

Butter gets a purple scoop,

but who really cares?

She said she’d cut me

Then the rockies game let out.

Guess I’m here all night

Hiding from 4-4

Their dinner is super late

due to baked chicken

We should get busy

around seven at least, right?

Goddamn I hope so…

Carry empty racks

to the dish pit, people. Damn!

Ya’ll are lazy pricks.


It’s hot as balls, dude.

Let’s go stand in the walk-in.

You mean, ‘let’s go hide.’

Tables that share cake

pretty much don’t have to tip

But I’m glad they do

Dylan, clock in now!

You’re the only server on

and tables are here.

                                                   @Riley @Dylan

Are you still on lunch?

Yeah, I didn’t get no break.

It’s already four.

If you order hot

tea and milk, I’ll ignore it.

It’s summer, you know.


Helium Balloon

listen to the special now

laughing my ass off


A twelve-top at 6

It’s all I have lined up for

my section tonight

Sugar, Water, Fruit.

Don’t make lemonade yourself.

We do sell that shit.

Most of all, I hate

sugar water people, dude.

They can suck a dick

Find check presenters

We should have a bunch of them

check the bar + Eight

Don’t look at the time!

What the fuck is wrong with you?

That won’t help us now.

Things found on the line:

I don’t even want to know

Why the Vaseline

May I refill that?

I’ll use the same glass, because

we’re out in the back

86 Blue Moon

We are out of that beer, sir.

How about a bud?

A Case for Used Books

Our bar uses a guide from

nineteen eighty-nine

Grab a tray jack

You can’t serve food in the air

Lest we all get sued

If you plan a meal,

book tables for forty folks –

and don’t show – Fuck you.

When the game lets out

We will get our Sunday pop

Hope folks are drinking

Extra napkins, please.

My kid is a disaster.

I might not make it

Water, zinfandel.

Soup, salad, with cheese of blue,

then just the dessert.

Wanted at the line

Fire the ticket all day

Get it on the fly!

Side in — Give the call!

Before I run your ass down!

Coming in heavy.

Make idle chit chat

It’s warmer than yesterday

In my black and whites

Last night for spagkus!

Like it’s your summer reading

list, Brittany. Jesus!

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