It is December first today. This is my fourth writing project of the day.
I drove through tiny flurries of snow last night to watch a goofy movie solely to touch the thigh of the woman meeting me there. It was a great movie. I got to hold her hand and hugged her three times.
My new goal in life is to create an online comic based on two words: Space Ponies. More details to follow.
I am watching Les Miserables this morning, and thinking of JJ. I miss her insights. And her laugh. It’s rare to get a good JJ laugh, because she has that supportive giggle so often, but to really see her bust up when she’s truly stricken with a mental tickle. I miss my friend. And Tina, and Cherie, and Gary…
This Thanksgiving I had the best time since Jane’s Pot/Orphan Thanksgiving. I recently got in touch with Ricky, who just got engaged. Jane’s been lighting up my FB lately and making me smile. I gotta look up Ari, see where she is these days. I can’t believe that was so long ago…I must be older than I think.
Steph noted recently that my whole social life involves the kink community. Bishop and I touched on the struggle balancing vanilla and kink the other day. A gal I’m getting to know has been MIA from the scene for the last month or two because of the hardship of living both sides. I’m looking forward to sex studies in the next 20 years. People like Steve and Jordyn and going to leave their impressions, and it will include kink in societal studies. I want to see what else people are finding. I’m not alone in my process, and our generation logs so much anyways. In 20 years we’ll have gobs of this stuff to draw from. Patterns emerge everywhere.
I love how the songs allude to one another. I should ask Steve about that-it’s probably a music thing…or Niki. She listens to classical and knows all sorts of musical things. Or Ave. She just knows tons of shit about everything, really…how did I end up having so many brilliant friends? That rocks. And I have these guys as teachers, thanks to TV.
“What can I do? It pays a debt.” I’m glad that I’m less Fantine than I could’ve been. If I did what I do now ten years ago, I’d be an entirely different person. But damn, this song…I never could pick out all the words in the theater, and the story here is that much richer knowing the specifics. I love the coin sound hitting the floor.
There’s always beauty in the breakdown.
I am glad I’m past the breakdown…I think I am. I have mild crises now and again, but I am more than passable. I’m happy more often than not, and by a large margin. At the same time, things are more “unstable” than they’ve been for a decade. I wonder if years of Living Juicy has finally allowed me to ride the waves without resistance.
But I’m ready for the crash, which is different than waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think my last shoe dropped when I moved to the Highlands last year…I’m climbing up from bottom, and I know the way down behind me is stable. I’ve just come from there. And the road looks clearer ahead. I’m not afraid. I got this. And the support-I have support billowing up around me. Still, all that goes up must come down. Hard times will come again. Now that I’m starting to smoothe out, I need to hedge my resources, be a good steward of my gifts, and plan wisely. I can survive anything, and all the more so if I have time to get ready. A hurricane is always better than an earthquake. And really, I know what to do for both.