Today was my first step-dad’s birthday. He died a few years ago. I found out in June of this year.
Matt’s birthday is tomorrow. So is his company Xmas party. I’m feeling proud that he’s taking me.
I’ve been losing time.
My head swims as I think about all the words I waded through today. Now that I am permitted a knife and a clean sheet, my blood has all but dried within my breast.
I swathe myself deeper into the quilt batting that is my meld. I can see through the layers, but feel safe and warm away from the outside air. Why do I struggle to surface? What piece am I missing in the mists of my mind?
I guess I can surface, I just can’t hold fast.
December rounds out the first week of the last month of 2014, and I still have not built a snowman. But my other goals came along pretty well. I’m starting to plan some for 2015. A smash-themed painting project is at the top of my list.
The more I reveal, the more I am accepted.
It’s good to feel loved.