This is, more or less, what thirty will look like. I think.

This is my first time writing in the new apartment. I was brushing my teeth, about to grab Gary’s book and read a few chapters before bed, and I saw myself in the mirror.

If you know me well, you know I don’t do mirrors often, or well. But occasionally I catch a glimpse of myself. My actual self-what I think I look like, more or less, inside my own head. I see my hair appear like I think it does, my body sized about the way I feel I am shaped, my clothes hanging in a way that makes sense in the moment. I don’t feel too old or too young, trapped between long limbs, under heavy weights that ache my shoulders. I feel right. Like I fit.

I am going to be getting another gerbil. I believe her name will be Moxie, and she will be at least two colors.

This morning I ran errands and was given a bouquet of flowers from a stranger. I was chatting with the checker at Trader Joe’s, and confessed that I was lamenting my recent relocation to the burbs. He immediately related and apologized for my loss. I thanked him, and joked that I was accepting flowers as sympathy gifts. He called for assistance and got me a bright orange, pink, and yellow bouquet of gerbera daisies. I am connected to the world in small ways that may be overlooked, if it weren’t for the ringing they leave in my mind.

Matt and I are living well together. Niki was right. Not surprisingly. lol I am so lucky in love. I got time with Ian too this week!

I have an opportunity being presented, that I am going to take with open arms. In the mountain air, I grow lighter and more transformative. My roots may be happily waterlogged below sea level, but I grow better in the light and elevation.


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